Tween Behavioural Problems

Many parents struggle with their child’s behaviour, often finding it extremely frustrating and challenging to have their child follow the rules and expectations of the home.

Parents often recognize that changes may have occurred within the family or stresses have increased. They love their children and would like to have them do as they are told, without the constant struggle when asked to complete their homework, tidy their bedroom, or stop playing video games. Parents expect their children to listen, and struggle to understand why children will not do as they are told.

Children of all ages will challenge parental direction, but their behaviour can become far more challenging as little ones grow and become 9-12 yrs of age. All children have similar characteristics, yet in my experience, I have found that boys often tend to be more angry, destructive and quicker to fight. Conversely, girls are often more sullen, manipulative and argumentative. Parents will often struggle to develop a routine that a tween follows and that they can incorporate into their daily lives.

Defiant, oppositional, and argumentative behaviour can often be the result of changes which have occurred within the family. Children find change as stressful and challenging as do most adults. Behavioural difficulties can increase with parental separation and divorce. Often introducing new people into a home environment or blending families into one can increase defiance in attitude and behaviour.

Misbehaviour is often the indicator or symptom of underlying difficulties. Irritability, anxiety, sadness, lack of motivation, and an increase in anger are often hidden behind the oppositional, defiant behaviour of a tween. Behavioural change is not always limited to changes in the home either. If a youngster has begun to experience learning difficulties or interpersonal problems at school, their behaviour can change

Child and Adolescent Counselling

Effective strategies exist and can be implemented to improve a strained and stressful situation between parent and child in child therapy or play therapy. Having worked for many years with children and their parents, I have learned there are strategies which will increase communication, reduce stress and resolve conflicts. As parents, an effective approach would be to decide on behaviour that needs to change, develop goals to encourage change, and behavioural strategies to ensure success for everyone involved. Seeking support through ongoing professional counselling for your child, as well as developing different parental disciplinary strategies and increasing your effective parenting skills can only enhance your relationship with your tween.

Child counselling with a therapist specifically trained to work with children and teens is an excellent way to bring about positive change. As well, Play Therapy is an effective treatment for children and tweens. Through play, children are able to express their worries without having to put these issues into words. Play becomes their words!

Often seeking support from a professionally trained Child and Adolescent Therapist will provide the balance and support all family members require to move into a happier and healthier relationship. I am available for a consultation to discuss whatever might be troubling to you or your child. At TPS, every child aged 2-16 begins treatment with a 6-week assessment period followed by more extensive counselling if appropriate.

The 6-week Assessment Period: Steps 1 to 6

Step 1: The process begins with a parent meeting in which I invite both parents to come in without their child. Together, I would explore through discussion what parents have been experiencing, and if these behaviours are new or have been ongoing for some time. I would gather further relevant information about their child from birth to the present time. We could also explore if these concerns are occurring within the home, or if school personnel have experienced similar concerns.

Step 2-5: The next 4 sessions will be spent alone with the child developing trust, gaining an understanding of what the child may be experiencing and developing a strong therapeutic bond. Sessions may consist of traditional child counselling and/or include play therapy in which the child will have the opportunity to express themselves through their play.

Step 6: The final step of this process will be to meet once again with the parents and share what was discovered during this assessment period. If further treatment is required, I would then share how the treatment plan would be implemented, the focus of the treatment and the goals to attain through the therapy. Parents would be invited to a feedback appointment in which their child’s progress would be shared and new strategies introduced if necessary. At TPS, parents are a valued and essential part of the child’s treatment. Thus, the assessment period and ongoing child counselling are spent with both parent/s and the child.

Ongoing treatment: Very often the 6-session assessment period is the beginning of ongoing treatment for your child. If further therapy is required or recommended, I continue to involve both the child and the parents in the treatment plan. I strongly believe that parents and children need to be involved in the treatment process.

More about Sandy Riley

I have enjoyed a fulfilling 30+ year career as a Child & Youth Counsellor, with extensive experience throughout the many facets within the Behavioural Therapy field. Knowledge and experience were gained through working in varied settings beginning with CAS group homes, further expanding into hospitals and private practice. Over 27 years have been spent working with children and adolescents within the Ontario Educational School System. Behavioural management and parenting techniques were furthered by visiting the client’s home settings to develop and implement strategies for children and adolescents from the ages of 2 through 18. Several years of my career have involved advocating for and providing direct intervention to moderate and severe developmentally disabled children and their families.

I am a qualified Child & Youth Counsellor with many years of professional experience and have continued to enhance my education through courses, conferences and professional development.

At Toronto Psychological Services, I provide counselling to children and adolescents aged 3-18 years of age. I thoroughly enjoy the positive results achieved through the application of play therapy and/or counselling of very young children, latency aged children and adolescents. I have the opportunity to provide individual counselling to youth and offer useful, realistic parenting strategies to parents.

* Sandy Riley has retired.  Please contact Toronto Psychological Services to book an appointment with a Child & Adolescent Therapist.