
Are we having enough sex? Is our sex life normal? Every week another concerned couple arrives at my office with concerns about their sexual relationship. They may tell me that their relationship or sex life is no longer what it used to be. Some couples may not have been sexual for months or even years.
Low Sexual desire is a very common sexual concern and the most common causes seem to be relationship problems, where one member partner does not feel emotionally intimate or close his companion. This results in fights and resentments and no longer feeling emotionally intimate or close. Physical illness and some medications may contribute to the low sex drive, especially when they cause fatigue, pain or general malaise. Depression and excess stress can also inhibit sexual interest.
Many things can get in the way of a satisfying sexual relationship. The most easily addressed includes fatigue and stress. Many couples leave sex as an activity to be performed late at night and find sex can become routine or boring. More serious causes are alcohol abuse, anger, unresolved resentments, affairs, internet addictions, financial stress, work holism and adjusting to life with children. Other causes can come from sexual dysfunctions such as pain with intercourse or erectile difficulties. Low sexual desire may also stem from limited sex education, negative attitudes toward sex, or traumatic sexual experiences (such as rape, incest or sexual abuse).
The task of getting back in track can be intimidating. By the time a couple arrives in my office, one or both partners have experienced rejection and criticism and it can be hard to make the first move. Couples may have tried to talk, or tell me their discussions lead no where. Couples therapy can help bridge the distance that may have developed and help the couple begin talking about their longings for a physical relationship. Couple therapy combined with sex therapy can have very positive outcomes.
Many couples are looking for strategies and tools to resolve their difficulties. The process begins with an initial consultation where you will be asked to discuss how and when your concerns developed, how they affect you and what changes you would like to make. During this session you will be invited to share your interpretation of why you are seeking couples therapy. I will also ask to meet with each of you individually to further assess potential barriers to enjoying your sexual relationship and help understand the context of your concerns.
Together we will begin to identity the effects this problem is having on your relationship, and the problem patterns that it might be creating for you. We want to be able to be able to remove the specifics defenses like anger, resentment, criticism and avoidance. We want to change the relationship from insecure to secure, from closed to open and trusting and from judgmental to accepting of self and other.
I believe that effective therapy is practical, solution focused and client driven. In each therapeutic session, I will encourage clients to actively participate in the process, goals and outcomes of treatment. This means that clients set therapy goals and outcomes and I support those goals.
More about Joan Marsman
I have enjoyed my career as a Marriage and Family Therapist. I am a clinical member of the Ontario Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and a Registered Sex Therapist by the Board of Examiners in Sex Therapy and Counselling in Ontario. I hold a Master of Science Degree from the University of Guelph, where I specialized in studies related to Human Sexuality and Family Planning. With over 20 years of experience, I have training in sexual health, sexual trauma, the different models of brief therapy and couple therapy.
I create a compassionate, respectful environment for my clients to discuss their concerns and difficulties. I bring sensitivity to cultural differences and openness to sexual diversity. I am comfortable speaking about sexual issues with people who are distressed with their relationships or their sexual functioning. I believe that this provides a unique opportunity to be heard and treated in a professional manner.
I have presented training courses and workshops for educators and counsellors across Ontario at the Annual Guelph Sexuality Conference and the University of Toronto’s School of Continuing Education.
Often I am invited to comment on relationship and sexual issues by the media. I have been interviewed on CBC radio, Canada AM, the Life Network and TVO. I have been quoted in articles in the Toronto Star, Toronto Sun and Globe and Mail.
To book an appointment, email info@torontopsychologicalservices.com or call(416) 531-0727. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to ask.
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